A Truly Wonderful Christmas Gift

For Christmas, John's little brother Mike, his sister-in-law Gina, and his niece and nephew Ariana and Bentley gave John's parents the most wonderful Christmas present -- a generous donation to John's technology fund at Mother Catherine Academy -- the successor school to the kid's elementary school.  The technology fund is a tangible part of John's legacy -- a fund established to -- as Mike would like to say -- "help the big geek contribute to the formation of a lot of little geeks."  In addition to the contribution, Mike, Gina, Ariana and Bentley wrote (or in Bentley's case, conveyed through his mom) the following notes to accompany the gift (click on each image to read).

Mother Catherine itself has also become a part of John's legacy in that his Dad is now the Acting President/Trustee of this newly independent Catholic elementary school.  All of his Dad's efforts at Mother Catherine are done in John's memory and is just another way that John's legacy lives on.  Learn more about Mother Catherine at this link.

Authenticity

In an earlier post, I wrote about life according to Stephen Colbert.  That post quoted a NY Times article which stated:

In 1974, when Colbert was 10, his father, a doctor, and his brothers Peter and Paul, the two closest to him in age, died in a plane crash while flying to a prep school in New England. “There’s a common explanation that profound sadness leads to someone’s becoming a comedian, but I’m not sure that’s a proven equation in my case,” he told me. “I’m not bitter about what happened to me as a child, and my mother was instrumental in keeping me from being so.” He added, in a tone so humble and sincere that his character would never have used it: “She taught me to be grateful for my life regardless of what that entailed, and that’s directly related to the image of Christ on the cross and the example of sacrifice that he gave us. What she taught me is that the deliverance God offers you from pain is not no pain — it’s that the pain is actually a gift. What’s the option? God doesn’t really give you another choice.”

In a more recent article in GQ, Colbert talked even more explicitly about grief and suffering.  He stated: 

“It was a very healthy reciprocal acceptance of suffering,” he said. “Which does not mean being defeated by suffering. Acceptance is not defeat. Acceptance is just awareness.” He smiled in anticipation of the callback: “ ‘You gotta learn to love the bomb,’ ” he said. “Boy, did I have a bomb when I was 10. That was quite an explosion. And I learned to love it. So that's why. Maybe, I don't know. That might be why you don't see me as someone angry and working out my demons onstage. It's that I love the thing that I most wish had not happened.”

"I love the thing that I most wish had not happened."  Those are remarkably insightful words that capture the essence of life since JW died -- that somehow through unimaginable suffering it is possible to nonetheless learn what it takes to live an authentic life.  I am thankful for the opportunity -- I try in my imperfect way to fulfill the challenge presented by circumstances beyond anyone's control -- yet I would give anything for those circumstances to be different.  Crazy -- isn't it?  But it does make perfect sense.  I love the thing that I most wish had not happened.

The essence of a truly authentic life was there for all to see last week when Colbert interviewed Vice President Joe Biden on the Late Show.  Biden’s avocation as a politician has often been to tell military families who have lost loved ones in battle that it’s possible to emerge from the other side of grief. Biden was a witness to this after he lost his wife and daughter in a car accident over 40 years ago. Now Biden is back with those grieving families again having lost his son, Beau, to a brain tumor. This time Biden isn’t a prophet from the other side but in an unimaginable twist of fate he is walking with them in fresh mourning. 

If you haven’t had the opportunity, take the time to watch two earnest and authentic men talk about faith, suffering, and making sense of it all.  Some of my favorite quotes from their conversation include:

“Faith sees best in the dark.”

“What’s the use of being Irish if you don’t know that life is going to break your heart.”

 “You know you’re a success when your child turns out better than you.”

In that vein, I am a tremendous success since I have been blessed with three children, all of who are better than I was at their age.

Watch and learn:

JW's Technology Fund, con't.

One of John's many enduring legacies is the technology fund established in his memory back in 2007.    The original concept behind this fund can be found here with an update here as well as here. Mother Catherine Spalding School has now evolved into Mother Catherine Academy, where John's Technology Fund will continue to foster in young children John's love of information technology.  At Mother Catherine Academy, the computer lab has been dedicated in his memory.

"Johnny We Hardly Knew Ye"

A dear friend of the family and musical performer at each of the nine Fests to date, Stryker, composed especially for this year's JW Kickball and Kegger Family Fest a song about and dedicated to John -- "Johnny We Hardly Knew Ye."  It was composed a few weeks before the Fest and Stryker regaled everybody with the backstory.  According to Stryker, the music and lyrics just flowed to him as if through inspiration and at the very end of the composition session, the "G" (or middle) string on his guitar broke (an unusual occurrence for that particular string).  Stryker took this as one more indication of John's presence and inspiration.  The proof of this inspiration can be seen in the below photo (click on photos to see enlarged version).

At the fest, the song was performed by Gobbler's Knob with Stryker on lead vocals and guitar, John's little brother Mike on bass, and long-time friend of the family Dish on drums.  Prior to performing the debut of this song at the Fest, Stryker gave John's parents a framed presentation of the original composition notes along with the printed lyrics and a photo of his inspiration during the composition session.

The actual lyrics can be seen here.

And last but not least, a practice version of the song featuring Stryker and Mike can be heard here or below (depending upon viewing device).

Photos from the 2015 Fest

It was a hot and muggy day, but the rain never came and the 9th Annual JW Kickball & Kegger Family Fest was another great success.  Thanks to all who came out and shared in the fun and comraderie -- it was a day very much in the spirit of John.

Once again, special thanks to Barbara, John's "2nd mom," for taking so many photos to capture memories of the day.  They as well as photos from other contributors can be viewed by clicking the album below:

9th Annual JW Fest

The highlight of the day had to be the debut of "Johnny We Hardly Knew Ye," a special song composed by dear friend of the family, Stryker and performed by Gobbler's Knob with Stryker on lead vocals and guitar, John's little brother on bass and Dish on drums. The backstory to that song can be found here and can be heard here or below (depending on viewing device).

9th Annual Kickball & Kegger Fest

RSVP here.

What a Difference Eight Years Makes

2008

 2015

For those not familiar with it, central to JW's memorial at John's parents' home in Southern Maryland is a bench under the shade of three cherry trees identical to those surrounding the Tidal Basin in Washington, DC. One of John’s last days was spent lying with his fiancé under the cherry trees at the Tidal Basin while they were in full bloom. The intent was that his memorial should forever bloom on or around the anniversary of his death as a sign of hope, renewal and salvation. 

As a sign of the unusually cold winter and spring experienced this year, the trees have bloomed their latest yet, having peaked today (April 11th last year).  

The full story behind JW's memorial can be found here.  To see how his memorial has grown over the years, go to these links for 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014 (and note the differences in when the cherry blossoms bloom each year.  For the record, in 2007 they peaked on April 1st). 

April 7th

Like all April 7ths, today was rather aimless for me.  I decided to go to work because it was as good a place as any to spend the day.  A few there know the significance of the date -- most do not.

After Mass at Noon, I  decided to walk to the Watergate at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial.  It had been four years since I had come here on this particular date.  I wrote about that visit here which is where I explained the significance of this spot.  It is, in essence, the spot where John's spirit left this world for the next.  It is here that John experienced irreversible brain stem compression resulting in brain death as he lay in the back of an ambulance transporting him to the hospital in DC.

I almost decided not to go today because the forecast was for imminent showers.  I figured it was a dreary enough day without slogging through the rain.

Go I did, however, making my way through the throngs of tourists experiencing our nation's capital on their spring break -- including lots of families with young children going to museums on the Mall as well as older veterans making their way to the WWII and the Vietnam Memorials.  As I got nearer to the Lincoln Memorial I felt a warmth overcome me and it took a few seconds for me to recognize that it was the sun beaming down on me.  Rather than the predicated rain, I looked up and saw in an otherwise cloud-filled sky a patch of blue sky through which the sun brightly shone.

Thus, when I got to the terraced steps on the Watergate and sat down, unlike my visit in 2011 and unlike April 7, 2007, I was not at this very spot in the gloomy darkness of night.  Rather, while there were clouds all around me, there was also the brightness of the life nurturing power of the sun directly overhead.

As such, this spot once again proved to be a fitting symbol of the past eight years -- one of the many lessons of life I have learned.  Specifically, that much as we may think joy and grief are opposites, they can actually exist side-by-side.  They are both manifestations of profound love.  And while I will forever grieve John's death, I have also been blessed with great joy over the past eight years -- to include the marriage of Mike & Gina, the birth of our grandchildren, Jes meeting and falling in love with Donny, and getting to celebrate 40 years of marriage with the woman I love as much today as I ever did.

Today is the Tuesday in the Octave of Easter.  The Gospel for today opens with Mary Magdalene staying outside the tomb of Jesus weeping.  Eventually, she recognizes the resurrected Jesus who tells the weeping Mary, "Stop holding on to me...".

It is so hard to let go, but then again we really don't have a choice in the matter because our John, too, had to go to the Father.

Photos from the Watergate from April 7, 2011 and today are below.

As an aside, I walked past the spot on the Mall where JW used to play kickball.  Fittingly enough, the exact spot has been planted with a grove of cherry trees.

A Niece's Easter Message

After Mass this Easter morning, Mom, Dad, Mike, Jes, Gina, Donny, Ariana and Bentley ended up at John's gravesite, two days shy of the eighth anniversary of his death. John's niece, Ariana, left the below note that she penned herself - representing part of her understanding of who John was based upon all the stories she has heard through the years (click on photo to enlarge).

John's love continues through the lives of those who loved him and whom he loved.

John's Love, Con't.

This past weekend, John's mom presented John's brother-in-law to-be (and his little sister's husband to-be) with the latest JW quilt made, in part, from remnants of John's clothing.  Since Donny is from Maine, what better pattern than one of snowflakes. Even better, the reverse of the quilt is a pattern of  lobsters and crabs representing the union of two families, one from the Free State of Maryland and the other from the Pine Tree State of Maine.  The warmth of JW's love is spreading even further than ever before.

This quilt, John's mom's 19th, is added to the pantheon of "The Quilts of JW by Mom" on the right side of this blog.

SAVE THE DATE 6/13/15