Living the Life, Johnny 5 Style

Well, it has been two plus years,

and many things have happened since I last saw you.

Many birthdays; two of mine and three of yours,

Countless parties; some with friends and some with family,

Many Redskins games (yes more losses than wins),

and a few road trips to Hokie football games.

There has been a wedding (and a kick ass one at that)

and a few trips taken; some overseas, some out west,

and even some to good ole Ithaca, NY.

Jobs have changed, and some have even retired.

There have been many Dave Matthews concerts, and

even a few Coldplay concerts.

Through events large and small,

you have been right there with us,

in spirit and in thought,

every hour of every day.

As for traditions, I also have John to thank for the bill at dinner last night.

Gina and I have made it a tradition to go out to eat at Levante’s at Dupont Circle in DC on John’s birthday. Levante’s was one of John’s favorite restaurants in DC. It is a Turkish restaurant with a huge sidewalk outdoor seating section reminiscent of a European café. During the summer, it is a great place to sit outside and enjoy some good food (and really good bread). And in pure John fashion, each year we bring with us a $5.99 bottle of “VT Hokie Bird Red” wine to celebrate. (The label does not even specify what kind of red wine, and that is your selection at the store, “red” or “white”) Well, two years down and two years in a row the bill has come and the restaurant has not included their $15 corking fee for the wine. So, thanks John, I know you had a hand in it! It would be a shame to pay a $15 corking fee on a $5.99 bottle of wine!

Miss ya, Bro.

A special request

As a special Father's day gift, I e-mailed Vin Scelsa, the dj of Idiot's Delight on WFUV. This is the radio show that dad has posted previously on the blog. I was going to surprise him by requesting a special song on this Saturday show, since it's the day before Father's Day and John's birthday. Unfortunately, I was not able to persuade him (clearly, if it was in person, there might have been a different outcome)but Mr. Scelsa did send a nice e-mail response that I give to Dad (and mom) for Father's Day. (Hey who else can say they gave Vin to Dad?)

"It is very difficult for me to acknowledge letters like this on the air and to fulfill such a request/dedication. I normally do not do so. Not because i don't sympathize with the people and families who write to me, but because if I started doing such things I would be inundated with similar requests.

I am humbled by the fact that your folks think so highly of my show. My heart goes out to them - and your entire family - over your loss. Please accept these words as my contribution to your Father's Day. I trust you'll understand why I couldn't say anything on the air.

Peace,
Vin Scelsa"

Things I Learned from My Son

Today being Fathers’ Day (and JW being born on Fathers’ Day) it seems an appropriate day to reflect upon the things I learned from my son.

Of course, it was from John’s Papa that I learned how to be a father – the best role model a son could ask for.

Also, it was because John’s Mammy & Papa took in foster babies while I was growing up that I learned how to change a dirty diaper and all the other logistics of fatherhood long before JW was born.

But from JW, being our first born, I learned the awesome responsibility of having another human being be totally dependent upon you.

I learned from my son (and from his Mama) what it feels like to love someone more than the gift of life itself.

I learned from JW that a parent’s ability to help shape another’s character ends at a pretty early age – that before you know it, you’ve done all you can do as a parent and that ultimately it is up to the child to make the most of what he is given, from both God and his parents.

I learned from my son the need to recognize life as the gift it is and the need to live it to the fullest at all times – an accomplishment at which JW doubtlessly succeeded.

I learned from JW the sheer joy of watching your boy grow up to be a good man – a very good man indeed.

I learned from my son how it is possible to live a truly holy life in a very unassuming way.

I learned from JW (and all my children) that a parent becomes truly wise when he recognizes just how much he can learn from his children.

I learned from my son what “Thy Will Be Done” means; that it simply means “my will not be done,” no matter how worthy and just I believe it to be. It does not necessarily mean God wills the opposite – it just means that I cannot live life expecting my will to prevail, no matter how noble I may think it is.

Finally, and most importantly, I learned from my son a better, albeit still imperfect, understanding of the loving, vulnerable, defenseless, and self-emptying generosity of God and his invitation to us to share in it.

Blessed

They say it’s the darkest right before the dawn

They say once you’ve hit rock bottom, you can only go up

They say time will heal…

That’s what they say, but do they really know?

What do I know?

I know your smile

I know your infectious laugh

I know your past mistakes

I know your fun times

I know the impact you’ve made,

Like footprints in the sand

Except unlike the beach that can wash away,

These footprints are forever on our hearts.

They say love makes us stronger

They say once you lose a person, he can live on in memories

They say time will heal…

That’s what they say, but do I really know?

What do I say?

I say I see your smile

I hear your laugh

I learn from your mistakes

I laugh at your fun times

I say I am blessed

For John on his birthday

A Day of Memories, Too

In addition to the post below, JW's birthday brings to mind so many splendid memories.

We were married less than a year when we thought that John's Mom was pregnant. We even went out and brought a bottle of champagne to celebrate. However, this was in the days before in-home pregnancy test kits and when the test results came back from the doctor's office, the word was that "the rabbit lived."

Nonetheless, John's Mom went back for another test in the following week or two and this time we got to open the champagne bottle when the test results came back "the rabbit died."

Next came the challenge of breaking the news to the rest of the family. It was November and we were at JW's Mammy and Papa's home and everyone was there, to include John's Grandma, to celebrate John's Dad's birthday. Following the cake and candles, John's Mom handed John's Dad a birthday card to "Daddy," and thus everyone came to know that JW was on his way.

When JW was eventually born, it was, of course, June. John's Mom & Dad were laying in bed in Great Neck, NY watching on TV the NBC Saturday Night at the Movies presentation of "The Battle of the Bulge" staring Henry Fonda, among others. In the middle of the movie, John's Mom's water breaks and we immediately head for the hospital where he was to be born, Syosset Hospital on Long Island. We never did get to learn who eventually won that battle.

The old saw is that early pregnancies are hard, and later pregnancies are easier. For John's Mom, the opposite was true; JW was the easiest and Jes was the hardest. In fact, upon arrival at the hospital in the middle of the night, the nurses noted that John's Mom was already dilating and immediately called the obstetrician. However, time passed and still no doctor. The nurse eventually called backed and it turned out that the doctor had rolled-over and had went back to sleep. He eventually got to the hospital and upon examination, immediately rolled John's Mom into the delivery room. As it turned out, the doctor came very close to missing the delivery.

Thus was how anxious JW was to enter into this world.

A Day of Celebration!

It was 33 years ago today, almost a third of a century ago, that JW came into this world. It is truly a day of celebration -- a day in which we commemorate what was -- not mourn what might have been. Everyone who was touched by John during the 30 short years he spent on this earth was truly blessed -- most of all John's parents. We are blessed not only with the thoughts of a life well-lived, but also blessed with found memories of birthday's past.

It wasn't that long ago that we embarrassed John by showing Alex old 8mm films of his first birthday in Hillsborough, NJ with his proud parents, grandparents and aunts in attendance.

We have the memories of birthdays spent at the SkateStation and Chuck E. Cheese's in Southern Maryland. We have the memorable 14th birthday celebrated in Ireland with John's Mammy & Papa during which he was presented with a ring his father wore most of his life and before that, his father's uncle and namesake (Uncle Billy). We never did have the courage to ask John as to the status of that ring until after his death when Alex confirmed that somehow he had lost it years earlier.

While John may not have been very good with protecting keepsakes such as his grand uncle's ring, he was very good at being an extraordinarily thoughtful and loving person to family and friends alike. Let there be no doubt -- the title of this blog solely refers to the too few years we all had to know John. In the years we did have, we all came to know John for the good man that he is.

Although published earlier on this blog, included herein is a copy of the note that John's Mom & Dad included in the birthday card for his 30th (and final) birthday. It says it all -- and we are so thankful that all was said when we had the chance. (Click on letter to read).

To a life well-lived, my son -- may you continue to be an inspiration to others!

Wrong Way Johnny

This past week, we celebrated with other family members the graduation of J.W.'s cousin Lisa from college. A good (and full) time was had by all.

The trip up to Long Island brought back memories of John's trip to Long Island several years ago to celebrate his cousin's graduation from high school. Whereas J.W.'s little brother has a built-in GPS system in his brain, John could get lost crossing the street. Sure enough, driving to Long Island that time, JW got lost on his way to his Aunt Meg's and Uncle Dom's. Fortunately, Long Island is an island and sooner or letter, as long as you don't go in circles, even if you don't know where you are going you'll hit water. Sure enough, after being overdue in his arrival in Hicksville, we got a phone call from John letting us know that he was at Jones Beach and looking for a way back. If not for the Atlantic Ocean, he could have ended up in Florida before he knew it.

You may not have known left from right or north from south while driving my son, but you certainly knew the direction of a life well-lived. Thanks for showing us the way.